Quit Playing Games
by mirageangel
Summary: Mannen loves Goh, and yet no one knows about it. Until one day. How will they find out? What will become of it? Will Goh return the ice knight's feelings? Read and find out! MannenGoh
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Pretear.

Rated for: later chapters

Enjoy!

**Quit Playing Games **

I'm a small, sea color eyed, ice blue haired thirteen year old. Yeah, hi, my name is Mannen, and I hate my appearance.

Many tell me that I a pretty, cute, beautiful, adorable, cute…kid. Yes, a kid. Since Leafe Knights are pretty much immortal, they can't grow old, their appearances never change since the time they go through the Grand Leafe Transformation, and they can't die unless their souls are banished by Leafe. Well, my Leafe Transformation unfortunately came a bit too early.

Why am I always the unlucky one! Since Hajime and Shin are still growing, they have nothing to worry about. They are actually turning out to be quite handsome, both tall and even a bit muscular. But boy, just look at me! And I don't think that you'd even want to.

I am currently standing in front of a high wall mirror checking out my same old, slender, womanly figure. I know I act like a girl just by looking at myself all the time, but I can't help it. I guess that it makes me wish that one day, even if it's just for a short while, I'll wake up strong, tall, and gorgeous. I am so pathetic! Why can't I be like all the others?

I look at my mirror reflection again. I bet if the mirror could talk, it would say just how inadequate and silly I look for a thirteen year old. Basically I got stuck in a body of a short, immature, goofy child who likes nothing better than to play with toys and other little children.

But the fact is that I have a quite mature personality even for a thirteen year old. I am pretty smart, I learn from my experiences, and I read the books that Kei supplies me with sometimes. Although, I must say, whenever he gives me books to read, he gives me this funny look as if not believing that I'm actually going to read them, as if I'm just going to look through the pictures.

No one ever takes me seriously, absolutely no one. In their eyes, I'm still that puny stupid kid, who annoys the hell out of them. But I shall prove myself to them even if takes a lifetime!

I snap out of my thoughts as I feel someone tapping on my shoulder gently, trying to get my attention. I turn around to face Shin and Hajime staring at me with curiosity, trying to read my confused expressions. We stare at each other dumbly for a few moments until Hajime takes the initiative and asks "What's wrong, Mannen? You looked like you were talking to yourself."

As I hear Shin snicker audibly, I feel my face burning with new anger and I say to Hajime "It's none of your business what I was doing, now beat it!"

I can't stand to look at both of them lately without feeling a spark of jealousy. They're both doing far better in the looks department than I am. No wonder Goh spends so much time with them. Goh…I probably write that word three hundred times a day in my blue colored notebook that I keep secretly hidden under my bed. I curve every letter of that name in every possible way I can find. Since I am not a particularly good artist, I can't draw his face nor his body with the fear that I'll ruin his flawless features.

I drift back to reality for the millionth time that day as I hear Shin's words full of hurt and bafflement "What's wrong, Mannen? Did we do something to make you angry?" His voice full of innocence makes me even angrier. They'll never understand what disappointment I am going though right now, and them trying to understand makes it even worse.

Why can't the world just leave me alone? Why can't they leave me here to deal with my grief by myself?

It's ironic, isn't it? When you need someone the most, they are never there. Yet, when you want them to leave you be, that's when they all, like by some evil conspiracy, decide to flood in.

Just like Hayate did this morning. The guy rarely talked o anyone, especially me, and all of a sudden he show up and asks me where Kei is? How would I know? Honestly, I am starting to believe that the two of them are having an affair. Not the kind of affair, as in cheating, but the kind where they are afraid to tell us about their 'special relationship'.

They were both recently unattached, due to Hayate's break up with Himeno. It really was not so unpredictable, since it was pretty much going downhill anyways. Hayate decided to leave Himeno, and she fled the county with some other guy that she found 'unexpectedly' right after they split. Well, who cares, I never liked her anyways just pretended to for the sake of our lives.

I think Kei and Hayate are great together. They share common interests and they are both highly intelligent and attractive. Well, good luck to them. Don't know why they hide it though, since it's already so obvious. Well, at least to me it is.

I look back at Shin who seems to notice how I lost myself again and averted my gaze back to an upset and worried Hajime. He always worried too much about others; it seems that even more than about himself.

"Mannen, please, we're your friends. Tell us what's wrong. You could always tell us anything.' Hajime pleaded. Yeah, anything is right, I thought. Well, my dearest Hajime, how about if I do tell you the truth you so highly desire to find out. How about I'll tell you that I have been attracted to men all this time, and women seem more like friends to me? How about I about I feed your curiosity with the knowledge that the one and only man I ever loved seems to be hopelessly attracted to girls, or so it seems since he is always after the busty blondes. What next? Will you hate me? Will you despise my very presence? Because right now it doesn't quite feel like you're going to throw your arms around me, hug me, and say that I have yours and Shin's acceptance and that everything is going to be all right. It doesn't work that way. In dreams maybe, but not in reality. Somehow, I think that hugging me is not the first think that'll come to your mind after experiencing the aftershock of my truthfulness.

I sigh sadly after my gloomy contemplations and Hajime's face turns even more concerned.

"It's nothing, Hajime. I'm sorry I yelled at you two. Just forget about it." I say comfortingly, not wanting to hurt my two best friends, but the looks on their faces tell me that they obviously aren't buying it.

"But Mannen, what are you saying? What do you mean 'forget about it'? We want to know what's going on in that brain of yours and we want to know right now!" The fool just won't let it go, will he? He could have just walked away from it all, he could just leave me be, but nooo he just had to be so persisting. I get mere and more furious by each passing second. The built up tension if forcing me to relieve it and just tell them, but I try to push it back without success.

I feared the worst, as felt the four doomed words slip involuntarily out of my mouth. This is it.

"I AM GAY, OKAY? HAPPY NOW? YOU WANTED TO KNOW SO THERE IT IS!" I shouted loudly not even giving them a chance to speak as I stormed out of the room, not bothering to look back.

Unfortunately, there was one more person I did not notice listening to my last words. I was running down the hall, tears running down my face freely, still completely unaware of the other shadowy figure that now shared my secret among my other two best friends.

/to be continued … /

UUUU…. Who do you think the other person might be? Write dome reviews and share your thoughts.

Until next time.

kisses,

mirageangel

! ahn nyung hee ka se yo !


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews, everyone! I hope you write again!

Disclaimer: I do not own Prêtear.

Enjoy!

**Quit Playing Games**

Tears kept running down my cheeks as I kept contemplating on what happened nearly ten minutes ago. How could I be so stupid! Why did I just blurt it out like that? What did they think of me now?

One thing seemed for certain to me though. They'll probably hate me or at the least be freaked out every time they see me and won't talk to me again. I never really asked their thoughts on this particular subject. I didn't know weather or not they were homophobic so I never said anything with the fear of suspicion.

Not that I acted suspiciously, but Shin could always guess the signs. He was like a psychic. He knew when someone was in love, or in pain, when they were happy or sad, no matter how hard they tried to cover it up.

Although Hajime might not be psychic or anything, he's a good friend, so he learned to read the signs rather than feel them. Of course they didn't need to do lot of sign reading when I was standing back there in front of the mirror so frustrated with myself. I usually don't tend to let my guard down like that, but I didn't know that they'll come in so inconspicuously. Geez, did those two know the definition of the word "knocking"?

It's all my fault though, I was the one who told them, I was the one who lost focus. It just doesn't feel right. I'm sitting here thinking about how I should have kept it a secret, and yet they needed to know. I am not at the least embarrassed by it or anything, it's just that the Leafe Knights are my home, and I didn't want anything to change among us, I wanted it to stay the same.

The fear of them not understanding or the absence of their acceptance had gotten to me so much that I couldn't even think of telling them. And Goh. Especially Goh. I could now imagine his face filled with horror when I explain it to him. He'll probably turn purple in disgust that a little kid like me is in love with the same sex. And furthermore, if I tell him that I love him he'll most likely get a heart attack.

I look around the crystal garden. It's so beautiful. The way the warm rays of golden sun fall upon the artificial glass warms up my sad heart a bit. Even though the red colored flowers are all made of glass, it is still breathtaking to look at them. Speaking of golden sun by the way, it is moving all too fast over there by that crystal green tree.

When I look closer, I realize that it's indeed not the sun that is radiating such brightness; it is someone's figure moving towards me or rather flowing. Well, there is only one person I know with that hair color, our own Leafe Knight.

As Kei approached me silently, I was thankful inwardly that without realizing it myself I stopped crying and most of my tears were dried up by the sun.

He thankfully wasn't surprised to see me and his face expressions weren't any different from his usual. That means that he doesn't know…yet. Oh! How I wish that it was true! I wish that he would never find out, that Shin and Hajime would keep it to themselves, but I highly doubt it.

Kei sat down beside me on the wooden bench and stared straight ahead. That was also a part of his usual behavior. He never noticed anyone...except Hayate of course! I wish I could ask his about Hayate and himself, but I don't want to.

He was the one who designed this place for Hayate, although he'd never admit it. It was because whenever Hayate touched anything living, like a flower, it would turn to ashes, so Kei wanted to imitate the real flowers by building him a garden of the crystal ones. I'm not in all that sappy stuff about flowers or anything, but that was nice of Kei. That's how they probably started seeing each other anyway. They're such sissies!

Kei is just staring straight ahead, not even paying attention to my presence, which is actually staring to get to me. He probably just doesn't want a stupid, annoying brat talking to him so he doesn't even acknowledge my intense glare.

Since I get irritated very easily I am trying to hold back from punching in his nose. I just want to strangle him! My sadness and despair turns into irritability and angriness just like it did with Shin and Hajime. 'Stop ignoring me you jerk, I'm not just some kid who you can wave off!' I think. My usually pale face is now beat red and I feel the force of the blood pumping in my veins. I clench my fists tightly. Why do I always get treated like this?

"Mannen, I know my face is extremely beautiful, but I don't like people staring at me like this." He says mockingly.

"Stop ignoring me you jerk!" I yell at him through my clenched teeth.

"I though you like being ignored, Mannen." He sighs, still looking forward. "This is exactly why I don't like kids, so confusing." He states without a single emotion.

"Yo, who are you calling a kid!" I only keep up my childishness in front of them, my more mature emotions are hidden up there. But than again, of course, who is he calling a kid? He's so self conscious of himself all the time! Whenever I see those fruity pictures of him in his office, it makes be want barf. I mean, the guy hangs them up all over the place. On his computes, his desktop, his wall, in his frame, he even has a picture of himself on one of his tee-shirt he had custom made. He should really learn to get over himself! The world doesn't revolve around him and his stupid blonde hair! Out all the Leafe Knights he is the most annoying. What does Hayate see in him?

His careless face disturbs me even more. Does he like not have any emotions whatsoever? I think he even fake cried when Himino was nearly dead after our last battle. At least I didn't pretend to cry, so I didn't cry at all.

He unexpectedly takes out his laptop and starts up a program. It is one of those writing programs for his job, but that is not important right now. What is more important rather, is that by doing that he silently tells me that he so doesn't care about me, that even his computer is more entertaining than my 'mindless chatter' as he calls it.

"You are so cold! Maybe you are the real Knight of Ice! I don't even understand why Hayate likes you." I tell him impulsively, waiting just for a slight moment to see his completely shocked face before stomping away and leaving.

I couldn't help but laugh to myself at the memory of his face. It was price less! I have never seen him so surprised. In fact, I have never seen him surprised before. That was the third person today that was left completely shocked after a conversation with me. I now remember what happened with Shin and Hajime and the smile quickly vanishes from my face. I sigh. Well, it was nice to forget about my problems even if it was just for a little while.

Love turned me into such a crybaby. It messed up my personality too. I'm always sad and irritated, and I became extremely self conscious of my looks. The strangest thing though, is that I want to hold on to this strong feeling I have. I want to hold on to my first and only love. Right now it feels like he's the only on I'll ever love. I don't know why, it just does.

I'm getting hungry, so I decide to get me something to eat. No wonder, I haven't eaten for days. I am now even skinnier than before. I wonder through the house and toward the kitchen all the time thinking about our current place of residence. You might find this rather odd, but we're living in Himeno's house, or rather in the house of the lady who her father is married to. I don't know why, and I don't know how. All I know is that all the Leafe Knights are now residing together under the same roof of this humongous estate.

It all began when Himeno and Hayate started dating and Himeno told him and us to move in. We all soft of hesitated at first, but then one by one weirdly moved in and lived here ever since. Even after they broke up, and Himeno left for England, we still kept living here, not being kicked out. Her father said that it would be lonely in this spacious house to live here all by themselves again, so they told us that it's okay to stay and keep them company.

I know that stuck up girl Mayune certainly didn't mind considering that she goes after the first guy she sees. I'm still surprised how she's now into that servant of theirs, Mr. Tanaka.

I snicker with the realization of my little cruel thoughts. I'm not a mean person, no, but I'm still mad at her for dragging me to her room and waiting until she showers while she wooed me with her snobbish speech if how great she is. Geez, she is the other person who can never get over herself. She and Kei should talk sometime, they have so much in common.

Of course I don't have any complains about living in this enormous house. I'm actually quite glad. Especially right now, considering the problems I have. I have to formulate a plan of how to hide from Shin and Hajime, since I'm still not ready to face them and don't think I want to.

I'm close to the kitchen now. I know that they'll never think of finding me there. I don't know why, but ever since I told them that I don't like the kitchen, they began to think that I really hate it there. Geez, I didn't mean that I don't like the kitchen itself, I just don't like its medieval design. Every time you walk in there, it seems that a caveman or a knight on a horse is doing to pop out right at you any minute.

I like the food though. They always keep the best stuff in their fridge. Good, expensive, high quality food. Who wouldn't want to live like that?

I smile to myself as I walk into the medieval kitchen, especially glad that no one's there. Good, I think, I can enjoy the meal all by myself without any disturbances. That's another great thing about this house. No one can find you unless you call on the intercom, and, well, if the intercom breaks…we'll just cross that bridge when we get there.

I lean over and open the big platinum fridge and look inside. As I had said earlier, it had all kinds off good stuff. Leftover chocolate crème cake, pralines and cream ice cream cake, strawberries and chocolate dip, some "Marquis" imported salami, cold calamari, rice cakes, meat rolls, blueberry shortcakes, Norimaki sushi, Apple Marmalade Pudding, Noka Chocolate…and by that time I way drooling from all that great food. And those, mind me are just some minor snacks. The real food is served for dinner. That's when all the oysters and steaks come in.

I take some meat rolls and apiece of the marmalade pudding, and go sit the kitchen counter. I haven't been here for so long that it seems I have forgotten just how extremely rich these people are. Strangely, they put all their money into this old age kitchen. What a waste!

I pour myself some grape juice standing on the perfectly polished counter. I put the drinking bowl back on its previous place as I quickly begin to consume the long awaited food.

I am that glad no one came in while I was eating. It seems that it has been a long time since I just sat quietly without thinking anything. Just sitting.

When I ate, I put the plates into the sink and leave the kitchen, deciding to go strolling around the house a few more times. I know that I probably won't be returning back to my room today, or perhaps ever, since that's where Shin and Hajime will be waiting for me to give them some answers, or maybe not. Either way I'm not going back.

As I am about to go with my plan and wonder around the house a bit, I hear laughing coming from outside. I know I have to be careful, if by chance the voices are Shin's and Hajime's, but I highly doubt that they would be laughing after what they heard today.

I go around the back inconspicuously, and move closer to the bush from behind which the giggling was coming from. As I peer trough the thick branches, I witness the most heartbreaking scene that I have ever seen. There he was, the love of my live, Goh, with that new girlfriend of his holding hands and just laughing wholeheartedly without any apparent reason. Just from being together, I thought.

I feel tears of pain rolling up in my eyes and I want to run way, but sensing I was unable to do so, since by feet feel like they were glued to the ground. After a few moments of standing there watching their happiness while feeling my heart shattering into trillions of microscopic pieces, I unexpectedly hear his voice full of surprise.

"Mannen, what are you doing over there?" he shouted loudly, not angrily, just confused. I wished I had stayed inside and followed my plan. Why the hell didn't I? I don't know how he had gotten so close to me, but within a few seconds, he was standing in front of me. I of course, was staring at his shoes. I was not going to look up. How did he spot me so fast, how? Go away you jerk, I thought, stop hurting me like this. Just stop!

I still can't move. As much as I wish that I could just move my feet and sprint to the other side of the galaxy, my stubborn feet just didn't respond to my desperate commands.

"Mannen,' he said sounding a bit annoyed now at which I wasn't surprised at, "what are you doing?" When I didn't move, or respond to him, he did the worst thing in the world at that moment. As I thought that he was about to yell at me tell me to leave, and I could finally get the courage to just run away, he lifted up my chin gently forcing me to look into his chocolate eyes. There instantly vanished the signs of any new built up annoyance, and were replaced only by a deep sense of concern and confusion.

He kneeled down next to me, and his gentle voice said, "Mannen, heeeyyy, Mannen what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

He was so close to me that I could feel his warm breath caressing the soft skin of my face. My eyes were now fixated only on his mouth. How greatly I suppressed the need of kissing him right now. The need was stronger than ever before.

Than, I did the one thing I wanted to do for so long. I let go. I let go of everything, as tilted my face closer to his and kissed him. I kissed him. His mouth fit perfectly against mine in this flawless moment in time, and everything around me seemed to stop. The time froze, even if it was just for a few seconds, I knew that these seconds meant more to me than my whole life. It was a hasty kiss, and yet I could still taste his idyllic mouth, and I wished that I would never have to pull away.

But unfortunately, that was just a mindless whim, and I pulled away only after three seconds, but what seemed like eternity. Not wanting to ruin probably the one and only chance that I would get to do this, I didn't bother to look at his face, sensing that all I'll see would be extreme disarray. Although what I never did see was a spark of hope and ...love?

My feet reacted to me at last, and I found myself bolting out of there as fast as my legs could carry me. When I ran far enough, I realized that I had nowhere to go. Not to my room, not back into the house, I had nowhere else to go.

In the minute of despair, I noticed two small wooden doors that looked like they led somewhere down to the basement. Taking my chances, I opened one door and closed it quickly after getting inside. I hoped no one would find me here. I didn't want to even think of the kiss right now. It brought me into an even more painful state, I should have never kissed him.

It is so dark in the basement, I can't see anything. The darkness is so consuming that I can't even see my own hand. But I don't even care. All I want now was to crawl into a corner and die.

That's exactly what I did. The first part, anyway. I lay silently on the cold cement floor wrapping my hands tightly around my knees, as if protecting myself from hurt.

I couldn't feel my body, my heart, my soul, so I just lay until the darkness to consumed me and I fell into a deep sleep full of disturbing nightmares.

/to be continued…/

Sooo, what did you think of this chapter? A little angsty, I agree, but he does have to go through suffering before he reaches happiness. Anyway, write reviews. The more and faster you write, the faster the updates, and the longer the chapters are.

Until next time.

kisses,

mirageangel

! sampai ketemu lagi !


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Pretear.

Rated for: Gloomy thoughts.

Enjoy!

-

**Quit Playing Games**

**-**

_Aftermath_

_-_

Darkness. Darkness and the extreme cold from the rock hard concrete were the first things that came to mind when I found myself mentally awake. Not yet physically, because my eyes were still tightly shut, but my mental state of awareness functioned just fine.At first, I did not understand why is it that my eyes did not budge to my command, but then realized that the dried tears I have cried sealed them both shut. That is when previous moments of earlier returned to me and my heart sank like a ton of bricks to the cold depths of the sea. I did not want to live, I did not want to think about what has come to pass, just bury myself alive then and there. What have I done?And what an idiot I am to have done that!

The probability of Goh spilling the news of the kiss from the previous day or hours was pretty high to me. Speaking of days and hours, what time was it? Ah, I did not care anyways. Why would a dying man worry about his time of death? And that is precisely what I wanted to do at the moment: die. Life was not only not looking up, it was looking way down. Even if I wanted to apologize to Goh and somehow make up a story of how accidental that kiss was, I doubt that would pass by him. He might look a little stupid to others, but I know for certain he is not a fool. No, he is the most wondrous person to ever walk this earth. He is everything, he is... Aggggg! Here I go again! This is not what should be occupying my thoughts right now. I must think of what I should do! Leave the country? Ha ha, only in my wildest dreams they would let someone like me out there alone without being overly suspicious about my age. After all, I do not want to end up at some orphanage. That actually does sound worse that my current problems!

My eyes are still sealed shut as I am contemplating my next move. I really feel like crying again so that my eyes might never open so that I may never face the discomforted nor the disappointed look that Goh will present me with. Oh how I wish to stay in this basement for eternity to forever suffer in my demise.

I wish for life to not be so difficult right now. I don't believe that any other thirteen year old has to deal with things like these. First, I'm confused over my attraction to men in general, and then Goh the "Mr. Fine" has to show up and mess it up even more for me. My confusion is beyond comprehension and I don't understand how any of this could have happened to me at all. Things used to be so much easier before I became a teenager. The memories of Hajime, Jin and I flooded though my mind and I wanted to drown in them. The beautiful, innocent memories before everything became so confusing and shameful.

Yes,at some point I must say that I feel ashamed of myself and what I have become. I am sure that Goh and all the other knights have so much trust and belief in me and all I am doing is crushing them with my perverse thoughts. Surely Goh is not even into men after all the skirts I have seen him around. There remains not a slightest possibility. In fact, his disgust from earlier must have been immeasurably great. He must have been so shocked, and that will also be the image left with him for the rest of his life: Me, Goh, the thirteen year old boy who is in love with him, kissing him and running away like a pathetic pup. When have I stooped to such a low level? The least I could have done is waited it out like a man and taken the rightful responsibility for my actions. But no, not even that have I done by showing him how disgraceful I am when running away.

I deserve neither his presence nor his forgiveness. Much less love! I never deserved that in the first place, even before my terrible actions. All I hold hope for now is that no one will even find me and I will rot away in this basement for eternity so that even rats will desert me. With those thoughts I shut off my mind and fell into my deepest sleep yet.

To be continued...

More darkness. Anyway, I hope everyone liked this chapter. It is a new addition after my five month writer's block. Thank you for your comments and your patience and I'll probably see you soon.

kisses,

mirage


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Pretear.

Rated for: Gloomy thoughts.

Enjoy!

-

**Quit Playing Games**

-

Running through darkness with tears in my eyes, so cold and confused, I realized I was running from myself and no one else. I have shamed myself and now I am being punished for it. Only pain and distress surrounded me but I could not run away, I kept tripping and falling and everything around consumed me, and as I was about to give in I felt incredible warmth and light: someone was endlessly calling out my name.

"Mannen! Mannen!", said the voice, "Come on, wake up man."

"Hajime, don't bother him, let him rest" ,said another.

As I slowly came to and opened my eyes, it was not at all the darkness of the few moments ago I was seeing, but the ceiling of my newly found room.

"Look, look, he is awake" called out a familiar voice.

"Well at long last, princess, how are you feeling?"

I turned my head towards the voice and my eyes sharply opened. There stood almost all the knights with exception of a few, with worry in their eyes as they approached closer. The question of course came from Kei.

"What did you call me!" was my initial, but weak response.

"Well it is nice to see you're doing better", said Kei.

As the happenings of the previous nights and the pounding headache came flooding back, I realized that I was miles away from "better". How did they find me? And why? Who brought me back? Was it possibly Goh? No, impossible. If he knows anything of my return he probably now wishes I was dead in some ditch. Why did they just not leave me there to die? What have I done so wrong that even one of my few wishes could not be carried out? What am I going to do now? Hajime and Shin know of my homosexuality, no doubt everyone knows, so hiding it is not even a possibility. So what now?

Sasame came closer and sat down on the stool next to my bed.

"Mannen," he said gently, "do you mind telling us what's going on? Why were you all by yourself in the basement, crying? What happened?"

Instantly, I was struck by fear. So they did not know. I looked into Sasame's expecting eyes and everyone's curious faces. I can't tell you what happened. Everybody will hate me even more than they do already.

I made a sudden turn of 180 degrees from one side to another and fully blanketed my body, completely hiding myself from everyone's view.

"Go away!" I cried out. I knew I was weak and pathetic already, so adding to it won't change a thing. I didn't care if I stayed in bed for the rest of my miserable life, if it meant never seeing Goh's face again it was well worth it.

"Mannen," Sasame's even more careful voice sounded out again," you can tell us, you know we won't judge you."

I felt a hand coming to rest on my shoulder and aggressively jerked away.

"Mannen," Sasame's defeated voice tried again," is there anyone particular in the room you would like to talk to alone?"

After a few minutes of silence, he realized he was not going to get what he wants, and I heard a heavy sigh. Everyone whispered worriedly among each other, and a shuffling of feet walking out the door could be heard. My heavily pounding heart, slowly relaxed with relief.

Samame was the only one who momentarily stayed behind and with the words," If you need someone to talk to, Mannen, We are always here for you", silently walked out the door and swiftly shut it.

Now that they were all gone, I contemplated on what had happened. My initial thought was that I'll never get out of this mess. As wonderful as lying in bed for days on end and speaking to no on for eternity sounded, it was merely an impossible wish. Sooner or later, I was going to get dragged out of bed to face my worst fears. I still didn't know how to cope with that. How am ever going to show my face to the world again? Seeing as how Goh was not among the ones present in the room earlier, it was pretty much a sign of his first streaks of hatred towards me of more that are yet to rear their ugly face. All that was left in my hopes now, was to pray for mercy that I doubted was going to be granted.

And what about others? How could I ever continue being a knight if I now hide under a blanket like a defenseless little baby? The preview of that from earlier has already proved to them what a coward I am! Sasame must have been so disappointed in me. Why wouldn't he be? I know I am.

How did my life turn to such a disaster? All I ever wanted was to be loved by the one who makes me complete more than anything else in this world, as cheesy as it may sound. But that shall never happen, because I am merely a child in his eyes; not a tall, vivacious long-legged blond female, but a short, freaky little kid.

Yet, doesn't he see that I could do so much more for him than some blonde bimbo? I love him from the bottom of my heart, and truthfully I doubt anyone will ever love him as strongly as do I. That is a promise. No matter what shall come, I will love him and him only forever. Even though it does sound very unlike me, it is the truth.

And with that I pressed my knees to my body as tightly as I could, curled up, and fell asleep with comfort and warmth, but deepest sorrow in my soul.

/to be continued…/

Thanks for reading, and I ask you to please review and leave your comments along with your thoughts before you leave, it's only fair. See you soon.

Until next time.

kisses,

mirageangel


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Pretear.

Rated for: Gloomy thoughts.

Enjoy!

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**Quit Playing Games**

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_Written from a third person narrative_

For the next few months life for Mannen was not easy. Having to hide from Goh and the others was not enjoyable especially considering that they were always around and trying to help, to desperately find out what has come about to make Mannen so upset. The usually vigorous Mannen was now constantly locked up in his room letting no one inexcept an occasional meal. His daily life was filled with only few events such as sitting by himself and contemplating, reading and other such things so unlike the young male ordinarily so full of life.

When asked to be talked to by others, Mannen would always wave off the request saying he has no need to speak to anybody for the time being, or at all for that matter. Many knights and even Kei missed him tremendously and worried daily.

And such was another casual day when Mannen would once again sit by his window and think of how horrid his life has become. Thinking of ways to come out of this situation, maybe even leave, which he would have done a long time ago if not for others guarding him constantly. All he wanted was to run away and not have to deal with pain which was once again tightening his already fragile heart. Unless Goh's mind will take an unprecedented turn of events or he by some miracle would fall in love with Mannen, no such pain will ever leave him. Mannen doubted that an escapade would be the correct choice either, considering that no matter which part of the world his feet would lead him to, Goh and Goh only will eternally reside in his mind and heart.

'How have I gotten into this misery, how –'

Knock! Knock! The light sound of someone tapping at his door was heard.

Checking the clock, Mannen knew that his lunch would not be delivered until two hours later, as scheduled, thus concluding that it's none other but one of his usual intruders. Mannen sighted heavily and tiredly rolled his eyes.

"Go away, I want to talk to no one!" came the familiar reply from Mannen's lips.

Yet the now more persistent knocking continued, strongly determined for victory. Even as Mannen's angry voice kept shoving it away, the mysterious person wound not let up, knocking louder and louder each time. Finally, Mannen, with more ire and irritation than ever stilled his screaming and marched heavily towards the door ready to pound the person down so brutally, that even the most robust of all giants would tremble in submission.

"I said I wish to speak to NO ONE !" he once again yelled before noting the one standing behind the wooden door.

As Mannen lifted his fist high, putting all the might and power into the punch the other would be forced to accept, he lastly opened his eyes and looked at the one he was about to pound.

Mannen's heart stilled and his hand involuntarily felllimply at his sideas he gazed down at the innocent trembling faces of Shin and Hajime. Shin's eyes watered with tears of fear and sadness, Hajime's cringed with emotion. Mannen instantly felt like a fool and the biggest idiot of all time. When seeing the trembling figures of both his friends, he realized that they have probably come to see him and to talk openly about his problems because they were worried. The last thing Mannen wanted was to bring pain and suffering to his friends, yet that is exactly what he ended up doing. His own state of being was never supposed to harm either of them, and as those thoughts flooded his mind, his heart and soul filled with self-hatred, forcing Mannen to drop to his knees. His head fell back, hitting the door frame and tears leaked out from under the shut eyelids.

'They must loathe me now more than ever, not only I am gay and in love with a close friend, I have now nearly harmed them as well. They have the right to scathe me if they want, I deserve it.'

As Mannen was about to fall deeper and farther into his dark state of mind, he suddenly realized that he is being enveloped in soft, comforting warmth, which he thought existed no longer.

Reluctantly he came to and opened his eyes which revealed the strangest thing. Instead of hurting or bashing him with hateful words, both Shin and Hajime were holding him from both sides right there in the floor next to his door. This action was so unexpected to him, that he gazed at both of them with childlike curiosity, for an instant forgetting his pain. Shin and Hajime raised both their gazes towards his and smiled.

They were now a mess on the floor hugging each other, smiling and crying simultaneously.

"Everything will be alright Mannen, don't worry" came the comforting voice from either one or the other. Mannen did not really care now, he was just happy to be still accepted by his friends. The instant feeling of being loved surrounded him wholly and began fulfilling him with all the right senses.

After a few minutes or hours, they crawled back to Mannen's room and shut the door. With a buckle of knees they slid onto the couch by the window, previously occupied by Mannen, and settled for a for an Oolong cup of tea, each.

As they sat quietly for a few more minutes sipping their teas, Mannen finally felt comfortable enough to talk to his friends of what has come about. So long he had secretly wanted to get everything off his heavy chest, that now consequences felt imprudent. All he wanted to do was share his painful thoughts of his love for Goh with his closest companions.

/to be continued…/

Once again thank you for reading. Write your honest response, and be fair. Hopefully I will write again soon.

Until next time.

kisses,

mirageangel


	6. Chapter 6 Intervention

Hey guys!

I'll actually try to continue this soon. I was rereading it and it's actually worth it even after all this time.

If you could please give me some ideas or anything to work with, that would be great. :)

Thanx,

mirage


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